Only two weeks to go. That’s the mantra. Two more weeks to endure the familiar trauma of logging on to the fantasy football app, picking a team, celebrating the wise decisions that have led you to create an unbeatable unit, watching the weekend’s football disabuse you of this notion, then repeating the whole thing again.
It’s supposed to be a game, but Fantasy Premier League (FPL) is more like a lifestyle. Or a second job. Or even exactly like being a professional footballer: the focus, determination and relentless commitment should really be rewarded with a weekly salary, preferably in the five figures. But no, instead we have to make do with a brief appearance of a green arrow next to our team name or, more likely, a red one.
But the thing is, it doesn’t feel like that. My friends have mostly abandoned the mini league I’m romping away with, which dilutes the glory somewhat. Equally, playing FPL can often feel like scrolling Instagram; there is always someone more successful than you, with a better team, who seems instinctively to know how to play the game, and who doesn’t transfer in Marco Asensio on the day he misses two penalties in a match. Then follows a process of recrimination, of watching that extra YouTube transfer dilemma live stream, of poring over one more xG chart and then, finally, remodelling your team to chase the success others had the week before (the term for that being “kneejerking”).
after newsletter promotion
This way, you may already have observed, madness lies. And so I have increasingly found myself lurking in one specific corner of Reddit looking for succour. I have found it too. Each week in r/FantasyPL there will be hundreds of messages posted related to the week’s matches and 80% of them will be commentary on the failure of their players to score points. One user, known as big_seph, has boiled this Weltschmerz into an essence. Each week their “The most FPL season of FPL to ever happen” posts capture the ways in which the game has managed to poke its managers in the eye. Their observation after Bryan Mbeumo, who was captained by four million managers in gameweek 35, only to fail to score against Manchester United in a 4-3 win: “Rang my uncle in prison and he’s got a new cellmate.”
Why do I enjoy these posts so much? Why do I keep on returning to FPL despite its ability to literally ruin my week (with so many rearranged fixtures nowadays there’s rarely a day without the opportunity for an FPL mishap)? I think I know the answer. In an age where being a football fan has become more conditional, more transactional, and where victory is apparently the only thing that gives meaning, the life of the FPL manager is a throwback. Fatalism, black humour, a stubborn willingness to endure, each of these qualities remain valuable in FPL, just like they once were in the stands. Wise men say it is only by leaving Muñoz on your bench when he scores an 11-pointer that you can you truly appreciate a Jacob Murphy haul against Palace; something I will do my best to remember when I inevitably slam my face into my palm for the penultimate time this season.
